So for those who are keeping track, today is cd12 and the day of the follicle check. Last time, I only had one decent looking follicle, so I was all prepared for the worst. I figured that I was probably looking at not even having one and needing to decide whether to reschedule the IUI for next month. That's how optimistic I am these days.
Anyway, today's appointment was a delicious course of interesting, topped with some creamy odd remarks.
Odd thing #1- Not one, not two, but 3 of the girls I had some conversation with (receptionist, nurse, and resident) all asked me, "Is that your natural hair color?" All with that same wording. I have no problem admitting it is not, so I was only amused, not offended.
Odd thing #2- When left alone in a room with medical equipment and no pants on, I get a little loopy. Like contemplating-whether-to-mess-with-the-ultrasound-equipment-and-wondering-if-I-can-fit-a-large-latex-glove-over-my-head-so-I-can-pretend-to-be-a-turkey sort of loopy.
After waiting on the always lovely butcher-papered table and playing shooting games with the stirrups for 24 1/2 minutes, the doctor came in and here was the conversation we had:
Dr. Awesome- "So this is IUI #2 and we are now doing 100 mg of Clomid?"
Infertile me- "This is #2 and we have done 100 mg for both."
DA- "And you're not pregnant? Why not?"
IM- "Uh....you're the doctor...you tell me."
Oh such fun we have! Anyway, the ultrasound went smoothly and it looks like we have 3-4 big follicles to work with this time around, so huzzah I guess. I can't remember what the numbers for the right ovary were, but I think there was a 23mm and a 18 in there, left ovary was 24, 16, and 12. Ovulation usually happens when the lead follicle reaches 20mm. Still no LH surge, so looks like we will be waiting at least a couple more days.
Dammit. I feel myself getting hopeful. I was trying to avoid that, but I guess it was inevitable. I've decided to go with it. I know I am setting myself up for a let-down, but this is our last chance for a long while (possibly forever), so I feel the need to fully experience it. It seems right to me for this to end with some pain. I know it doesn't make much sense, but it's my way of fully acknowledging my infertility. I want it to hurt, because then it will have meant something. At least that is what my overly hormone riddled brain is telling me.
So here's to hope. Here's to thinking that it might work. That after all this we've finally paid our dues and it's our chance for the good news. That my uterus may get the memo and realize that it better kick into gear before I throw it the hell out. Over a year of money, pain, and effort is coming down to this last month. No pressure. But hey, maybe it will work. Maybe one or two of those little follies will actually fight the odds and become a child. Stranger things have happened, right?
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