Things you don't want to hear 13 dpo

Hey, you know your cousin who got pregnant the first week of trying (on her honeymoon) and had a baby girl about 5 months ago? Guess what! Yup, she's pregnant again.

Tomorrow is 14 days past ovulation (dpo) and 14dpiui (days past IUI), so I'm guessing this news will be even happier tomorrow.

Would you like some cheese to go with your bitter harpie?

No real vacation from infertility

Ah vacations...relaxation...rest...beautiful views...wondering how our IUI turned out and if we'll have to do another one next month or n--Nope...not thinking about that. Enjoying the beautiful weather...smelling the flowers...not at all thinking about what the results of the SA will be.

I'll say this: I had a fantastic time. I really didn't think very much about the IF stuff. The Boy and I had a chat about if we would do another IUI during one of our layovers and then put an embargo on talking about it. We even succeeded at that for the whole week!

The problem is we were not traveling alone. We had some long car rides with family that I had never met, and The Boy hadn't seen in a few years. It was fine, oh, 95% of the time, but the endo came up since I don't eat like a normal american, which in turn opens up the inevitable can of worms I like to call The Question. The Question, as many of you already know, goes a little something like this:

*pleasant conversation about any given topic*
topic gradually turns to my insides (as you know, they are fascinating to the general public!)
I quite gracefully and diplomatically answer the basics about endo: what it is, why it causes pain, things that help. I never give more information than they need for their questions and try not to make a big deal about it. We're talking maybe a sentance or two.
Pleased with myself I try to turn the topic to something less tricky.
Then comes The Question

"So can you have kids?"


Yup. I get asked this question just about every time the endo comes up. Is it any wonder I don't care to talk about it with many people?

It gets better. I will typically answer the question with a polite, but firm, "We don't really know. Endo can cause problems for people, and not for others. We'll deal with all that when the time comes."

Then, since it is not at all their business, they ask, "Well are you trying? How many kids do you want? Do you think you'll have to adopt? How long have you been married for? How old are you? Would you rather not talk about this and get some ice cream instead?"
Ok...one of those questions was not actually asked of me this trip...I'll let you guess which one it was. Not only that, I was asked The Question (and follow-up questions) no less than 3 times on this trip...in 7 days. I typically responded with something along the lines of, "We are happy with where are life is right now." I'd pull out the snark, but I really don't know these people well, and I really want to get invited back on vacation. Besides, most people don't think this is any worse than asking what team you support for the superbowl, and the ones asking me were equally nosey about basically everyone else too. Fair's fair.

Speaking of fair's fair...don't think I sat idly by during all this. I got my own delightfully chilled revenge. You see, this couple provide endless entertainment during the drives by fighting with each other, making loud animal sounds at every cow and chicken we pass by, and making quite a few remarks that made me go "WOW!!!" (like that Obama was going to change the national anthem to rap). Not only did I feast upon the schadenfreude with much delight...I brought home a doggy bag. You see, The Boy was as entertained as I was by the need to yell at each other over whether or not the rain would make the roads slippery to drive on (the verdict, who really can say!), so he pulled out his camera, switched it to movie mode, and let the entertainment flow. When conversation slowed, I would prod with questions like, "So Beth*, do you have any crazy stories?" Boy did she! I'm probably going to hell, but at least I'll have a good laugh on my way down.

I'm still in vacation mode, so no talking about our current round. I'll do that tomorrow.

*Not her real name, obviously. I wish I could post some sound clips, but maybe I'll so a little trascription instead.

Gone for a while

First, let me say I am surprised that anyone reads this blog, myself included. Thanks for all the kind comments and well wishes. I assure you they get through my hard candy shell, right to the slightly less hard center.

So, I'm off to take a much needed vacation. W00T!
I'll be back with some funny stories in a week. Until then, enjoy another tale of our crazy pharmacist, Nutty McWhatthehell.

So for my third round of clomid, the boy opted to pick up the prescription. Mostly, I was feeling lazy, but I joked that I didn't want to deal with the crazy pharmacist. I didn't actually think he would be there, let alone say anything.

After about 20 minutes, the boy called and says, "You are never picking up your prescriptions here again." Basically, what happened was this:

Nutty- "May I help you?"
TB- "Yeah, I need to pick up a refill of Clomid."
Nutty- "Wait....you're not supposed to need this three months in a row."
TB- "Uh.....what?"
Nutty- *insert random story about people that have gotten pregnant with multiple kids while on Clomid*
TB- "You know, it's really not--"
Nutty- "So just keep that in mind."

He then continues to tell some other random story, all while The Boy is trying to politely leave and not talk about this with some geriatric whack job. Finally, he pays for the pills of happy ovary tilling and as he is walking out, Nutty says "Good luck this time!!!"

Now, keep in mind, this is all happening with a line of people within easy ear shot. Can you say:

I know you can.

Let us never speak of this again.

So I'm sure the question on everyone's mind is, "How did the IUI go?"

Um...it's over with, and that's about the best thing I can say about that. In all fairness, it wasn't nearly as painful as my HSG. When the nurse inserted the catheter, there was cramping, but as I told her, "I have endometriosis, so cramps and I go way back." The actual...um...injection(?) hurt a bit, but wasn't too bad. I had pretty nasty cramps for the rest of the day and couldn't stand up all the way, but most of that is over with now.

So why am I whining when other people have such a harder time? How can I complain when there are other who go through full IVF? Where is my usual snark and funnies? While the IUI was physically pretty mild, it was more emotionally taxing than I thought it would be. It's one thing to be told you are infertile. It's quite another to have a medical procedure to try to get pregnant. No one thinks about their child being the result of laying on a table, legs in stirrups, trying to chat about nothing in particular with the woman who is essentially impregnating them. It's supposed to be something between a couple, not a couple, a few nurses, some lab techs, various other medical personnel, and a few other nervous couples in the waiting room. It's hard to describe, but I don't blame anyone who decides this is not for them. I'm sure the next one will be easier, but hopefully we won't need to do anymore. Yeah right.

Oh, by the way, I was wrong about one prediction. The RE office had a copy of Conceive on a table...but only one.

IUI is on

We are go for IUI. OPK came back positive this morning, so we are scheduled for the IUI tomorrow. I suppose I figured that my uterus would try to thwart my plans once again and build some sort of barricade to not allow any ovulation to occur. Apparently not.

It's strange, but even though I have read many peoples experiences with all this, I still can't believe that we are doing all this. It's extremely surreal.

Predictions for tomorrow:
-I will spend the entire time trying to not laugh in the andrology department, cause I am immature.
- I will be incredibly glad that the RE's office does not carry any Conceive magazines to teach me about hot, hot pregnancy sex.
- I will spend the entire day, and subsequent 2 weeks convinced that if I really think that this succeeded it will jinx it, so the secret is to not think it worked, which will make me think I am incredibly clever because I managed to use reverse psychology on the universe. The universe is not so easily tricked, however, so I really won't get pregnant despite my ingenious plan.
-That guy I live with will make some joke after the fact asking if the insemination was satisfying.
- I will tell him that I "had all kinds of orgasms"* from the procedure.

Wish me luck!

*points for whoever can identify the quote!

Underwhelmed

So the ultrasound is done and the verdicts is:



Right ovary showed some small follicles, left showed one good folly. I guess I should be pleased to have one good potential egg, but I was really hoping for 2 or 3 (as was Dr Awesome). He still sounded positive about our chances of success, so we are going ahead with the IUI. A big scabby thumbs up to my ovaries. Guess they got the message from my uterus to just take it easy.

I know it only takes one egg, but honestly, after so long I can't imagine this working. I feel like we're going through the motions because that is what you do. Dr. A did tell me that if I don't ovulate in the next 2 days or so there is a good chance that the other follies will catch up, but I honestly think he was saying that to make me feel better and not because he actually thought that would really happen. Oh well...guess we'll see. Anyone have success with only one follicle?

Hey thumb...screw you!

Not even a day into the new year and I manage to damage myself further. Allow me to explain:
Me- Hey, I need to cut up some food. Since I do that on a daily basis it surely can't be anything I need to pay close attention to.
Kitchen knife- Wait...you aren't watching me...and I'm thirsty for blood! My time has come!
My thumb- Hmmm....I feel too long and heavy...maybe I should just take a nap beneath this shiny silver thing.
My nerve endings- MOTHER F^&#%$@!!!!!!!!!!

Yup...I cut the tip of my thumb off. Nothing major...no stitches or anything. I cut about 80% of the way through the skin and nail about a centimeter down More of an inconvenience than a serious tragedy. But still...does not inspire confidence in myself. Yay 2009!

So I go in for my ultrasound tomorrow and we'll see if any follies have decided to cooperate. Still no ovulation, which is good since it would have screwed up the IUI schedule.

I keep going back and forth on how I feel about all this. One second I am excited about it all, the next I start panicking about how we are going to afford all this and if we are just wasting our time. I don't know whether to tell myself that this is going to work, or to prepare myself for another disappointment. What to do, what to do? Seriously...I am totally open to suggestions.