A new kind of hamster dance

I figured it was time to pull myself out of my pity party for a moment and share an entertaining anecdote (and then back to the party...we have cookies!). Most of you in the midst of ART (assisted reproductive technology) treatments are familiar with what I'm about to reveal.

A few months back we were looking over the price estimate sheet our RE gave us. There was the usual slew of words we didn't yet understand, but one in particular made us go "Wha?" It said: Hamster Penetration Assay $400.

Yup. Giant WTF? We made several innapropriate jokes, but figured it had to be something different that what we were thinking. Hamster must be some latin root term for something having to do with broken inside-bits. A bit of googling* revealed that we weren't that far off. Yikes.



As well you should be, sweaty friend.

See, apparently hamster eggs are very close to human female eggs and are "more readily available." So what, right? Well, in order to fully test the sperm you need to make sure they can penetrate the egg effectively. I think you see where I am going with this. They use the hamster eggs and human sperm to create a monster hybrid that will destroy the world check the sperm quality. Since humans and hamsters are pretty different (however similarly their names start out) it can't result in a viable embryo. Supposedly.

Being the classy sorts we are, The Boy and I decided that it shouldn't cost $400 to have sex with a hamster. The things are like $10 tops. It has also lead to accusations of gawking at the pet store ("What? I can't even look at a beautiful, sexy hamster anymore?!?") and a banning of animal planet after 8 pm (worse then Cinemax, I tell you!).



Just look at that smut!
Yeah, we are definitely mature enough to raise kids, no?


*If you are going to google this I HIGHLY recommend writing the whole term. Googling hamster penetration=scary bad nightmares burned into your soul. Crap. Now you're going to go do it just to see, aren't you. Sicko!